Some sources of recent 21st century research, suggests that over 35% of women have never achieved orgasm. Personally I hope the stats are grossly exaggerated and that there are a whole lot of women are out there secreting indulging in self-pleasure. However there is an even more astounding percentage of females who have never achieved orgasm through intercourse. Some experts claim the number runs at 65 percent, while others say the figure is more like over 90%.
Whomever you believe, the numbers of pleasure-poor females is mournful to accept, in a so-called enlightened society. But as they say, it is no good crying over spilt milk. Instead it is best we accept that what is done is done, get the mop and bucket, clean it up and get on with pouring another cupful.
Below are several key issues that affect a woman’s ability to achieve orgasm, together with the remedies and methods that can enable her to achieve ecstatic release.
Practice Makes Perfect
The key to achieving orgasm for most women is to first explore their own body’s pleasure responses. The old adage of ‘know thine self,’ is a critical element to achieving reliable cleansing orgasmic release.
For the majority of the female clients who come to me seeking a little help to become orgasmic, or to begin to flow their Amrita, I prescribe regular at-home, self-pleasuring sessions, at least twice to three times a week because practice makes perfect sense.
Few would argue that each of us was born with the ability to walk and talk, but we had to practice these tasks many times over to make them a perfect skill set. In the same way we all have the inbuilt ability to orgasm, but still it takes practice for each of us to bring the body and the mind to orgasm, by moving it and stimulating it in the right way.
Fear of the Slut
It has been my experience that many of the women I coach who suffer from shy orgasms, are really suffering from fear of ‘the Wild Woman,’ who takes them over the minute they let go of their ‘the good girl’ persona. The two psycho-sexual mindsets are of course like night and day. Certainly the sun don’t shine when the moon is out and fully beaming its light.
Similarly when the ‘Good Girl’ is hanging about, censoring the behaviors and reactions of the body and sensual mind, the Wild Woman hasn’t a chance of playing her part in the journey to ecstatic release. Of course how much the ‘Good Girl’ is able to hold the ‘Wild Woman’ from coming out the preverbal closet, will depend largely on how much one is invested in the keeping the ‘Good Girl’ center stage and on the ‘name-plate’ of one’s everyday character and identity.
For many women who are having problems showing themselves and therefore letting go, even when there is clearly ample physical and mental stimulation being supplied, my advice is to delve a little deep into the issue of whether or not, there is a psychosexual contradiction in play. If this is the case, and most times in my practice this is precisely the root cause of a woman’s inability to reach orgasm, coaching the client to move up and into the appropriate adult progression, with a little practice and role-play, soon fixes this little recognized issue of sexual psyche cross-overs.
For many of these women the fear of letting their body go into deep, deep ecstatic release, means letting their arms and legs be flung wide open, pulling a face and screaming at the top of their lungs while their feminine juices mess all over the sheets. The idea of being seen by a partner, or heard by the kids; or worst still, the neighbors is terrifying enough to shut down any thoughts or hopes of being natural and free enough to achieve an orgasmic release.
As I tell my clients that suffer from being locked into the virginal maiden fantasy, virginal maidens don’t have orgasms; only Wild Women, Mothers and Crones do too. So in a nutshell unless a woman is prepared to give up the deceptiveness of projecting herself as the innocent ‘good girl’ and move on and into maturity to accept who and what she is capable of as a fully fledged female, both in and out of the bedroom, orgasm will remain locked down deep inside her.
Ever so naturally, for a woman to achieve orgasm, she must be absolutely secure in the knowledge that her partner accepts the depth of her sensual expression. Why? Because the fact is when orgasmic release is pure and unrestricted, it will be noisy; it will be messy, and it will erupt and disrupt the mundane as good as any tidal wave.
Now Guys this is an instance where you get to play the hero. You can do a lot to help your partner relax and get past this issue. How? Easy; simply showing her and telling her that you accept her and are indeed excited by the wild and natural in her nature. Encourage her when ever you can to be wild and expose the sensual sexy side of herself.
There is indeed the best cure for the good girl damming. For most of my female clients who achieve a full blow orgasm in the total privacy of my studio, once we kill the maiden off, the wild woman usually is eager to come out of hiding. After the event, most women are then able to go on to duplicate the same experience at home and in the company of their partner. It’s like riding a bike; once you learn you never forget.
Fear of making a Mess
Strange but sadly true, making a mess or wetting the bed is the secret fear that many females hold that prevents them from allowing themselves to orgasm; or heaven forbid, ejaculate.
In contrast, it is a rare man who has a care in the world regarding this same issue. In fact most men are proud as punch of their ejaculatory fluid. Whether it messes up the sheets or gets all over their partner is the least of most male’s concerns. As one of my clients put it, ‘It would be a pretty dry argument if I didn’t mess her up, hey.’
Fortunately it doesn’t take too much effort to overcome this issue of sexual release and flowing the Amrita being messy. How? Simple - forget trying to overcome this problem in a bed where you sleep. Instead lay a thin foam mattress or yoga-mat, down on the floor then cover it plastic sheet. Over this lay down a plastic ground-sheet with something soft like a machine washable doona or blanket. All set, you are ready to let loose.
But better still, especially if your orgasms are really shy, go out into a private forest and lay a blanket down on the ground. Making love on the ground is actually an ancient ritual practiced in my cultures throughout the world; including the Celts and the Druids as a way of ensuring the fertility of their land.
And Guys this is another instance where you get to play hero. You can do a lot to help your partner relax and get past this issue of worrying about her orgasms being messy. Simply showing her and telling her that you accept and adore her female juices.
Last but not least, remember the bottom line: all the exciting things in life are messy, unpredictable and for the most part, totally chaotic. Oh but don’t it feel good to escape the mundane.