Excavating the Authentic Sexual Psyche
- revitalizing sexual pleasure response
It is ever so common for clients who begin the task of excavating and rerouting their sexual energy ruts in an effort to overcome impotency issues, to find that they in fact get worse, before they get better. As an example, I walked alongside a male in his early 50’s recently, who entered into ‘Forever Potency’ coaching, only to end up offering substantial resistance to uncovering the root cause of his sexual shaming and subsequent sense armoring. When we began to work on bringing up and consciously noticing the sexual imagines that were habitually drawn up into the mind during arousal; this client was none too pleased with the homosexual draws that stared back him. The man had a hard time accepting the truth of the images he used to gain arousal. Believe you me when I say, it took a heck of a lot of effort and coaxing to induce this guy to look at the root causes of these fantasy ruts that he could not and would not ever bring into reality.
‘I am not gay.’ The fifty-four year old keep saying. ‘I swear I am not.’ Of course this man was thoroughly convinced that he would never act on these homosexual scripts and replays – and oh how they had been replayed. That much he admitted. He would never make these homosexual scripts real. But nonetheless these images and imaginings were clearly feeding something vital within him; yet perhaps also preventing and blocking up other more crucial functions of the sexual psyche, such as ‘making love real.’
And as expected, this blocking up and denial of the authentic sexual senses – showed itself by way of the man’s extreme ‘stiff attitude’. Literally he was ‘stiff-necked’, causing the throat area to close and to seal over. As a result the poor guy wasn’t in any way, shape or form, able to express what he truly wanted to ‘scream’. And that was that he had not been claimed by or initiated into the male tribe - by the quintessential father archetype, nor by the King, or by the Merlin. There harbored and repressed within the inescapable sexual psyche was this gnawing truth that he felt lacking and limited, unguided and unguarded by ‘the primal brotherhood’ that should have surrounded him. As a natural unavoidable consequence, this utter disqualifying shaming and abandonment caused him to unconsciously seek relief from the pain, shame and fear. Naturally if he were to survive, he had to find a way out of the wilderness – a way to outrun the ‘run for your life’ nightmare of being belonging nowhere.
‘Man is not an island.’ No truer words have ever been spoken that typifies the innate human design. No man or woman can survive, let alone thrive as such. Instead what we instinctively are, is part of a country; a collective. This is our natural social structure. However if we are carved off then organically and biologically, the sexual psyche will scramble, reach, delve, divine; do whatever it can within its power to excavate a country of its own, from whatever material it has available. And there it will cling, by any means, rather than slide into extinction. That is our basic intrinsic design and make-up. These draws within the sexual psyche, or the life-force psyche that draw us instinctively toward supportive and protective collectives, is inescapable. That is the sexual psyche for you – always and forever shoring up our survival.
Once this natural ordering of essential claiming and the corresponding progressions of the sexual psyche was explained, within a very short time this man came to understand the reasons why he would be so naturally drawn to fantasizing about homosexual violent acts of aggression. What was also pointed out to him was that he was not even in his own scripts. He was nowhere to be found. The scenes were effectively played out by others, while he simply, voyeuristically, looked on and gained sexual arousal by proxy.
From there we moved on to processing the veracity of what had been reserved and conserved within the sexual psychic for all those years. The psyche lets go of nothing till what it fears, or lacks is resolved. Of course this delving within was no ‘walk in the park.’ The process of examining what lay hidden within the sexual psyche literally made the man sick. As he yielded to truth; the ugliness of it, the pain of it, the uselessness of it all and the waste - his face changed rapidly in color, from white to yellow, then finally blue. His skin broke out in spots too. It was as if he had suddenly contracted the measles. But what he suffered worse, were violent pains in his neck and back of the head. His temperature rose also. His heartbeat became rapid and pounding. He had diarrhea, felt tired, and seemed to have lost all control.
Of course I felt for him; and I told him as much; but still I had seen it all before. This was simply the body’s way of ‘working it out,’ ridding itself of the long held stress; which was so much better out than in. Slowly as a matter of course, this client learned to surrender the protective armor that he himself had laid over his natural sense system. Little by little the layers were peeled off and dropped, as he tapped into and then learned to flow the authentic arousal that he was able to make himself with movement; lots of movement. It took a while, but soon he was willing to actively move his body, use his voice and his breathe… and there was the Wildman… waiting to be retrieved.
After raising and then bravely facing the root cause of his impotence, for a long time this client could do little other than try to understand the reasons for his habitual conjuring of homosexual fantasies. And certainly he was frustrated. Then one day while he was on the table received some well-deserved pleasure, suddenly he sprang up and began shouting. ‘I feel fucked up the arse by my father, brothers, work colleagues, the boss and even my so-called friends. None of the bastards respects me. Is it any wonder I fantasize about it when that is the reality of it. That’s my life – I am fucked over my men.’
There, finally he had said it out loud. He’d made part of his sexual psyche real and therefore available for analysis. Now he was no long in no man’s land; instead he was discovering himself in a whole new land of authenticity, where the real could be made anew. From that day forward, this client was on a roll. Everything changed; instead of inhibiting or denying how he felt about anything, he just went with it.
But the big surprise was that he actually confronted his father and brothers; confronted those he worked alongside, and his manager too. That took such guts; I really admired him. For the first time ever, instead of just taking the abuse of allowing others to disrespect, ridicule and ostracize him, he spoke up – stood up for himself. But of course it cost him job and also cost him what little relationship he had with his father and brother. Yet as said, what loss is it. I am better off within these types of people in my life.
From the session on, movement became everything to this client. He totally upped the ante. And because he was prepared to move; to dance up the energy and to create friction, he was thus able to lift and courageously shift every piece of furniture within his sexual psyche. Everything was lifted and shifted about until, as promised, the dammed up energy began to flow. And flow it did; and yet not in the manner this client had expected. It seemed to all come up in a volatile chaotic explosive rush, as anything repressed for that long often does. But nonetheless he had made it happen; he had achieved an erection and also an orgasm. In that he was delighted, but also a little disappointed because it was all over red rover in a few seconds. Count to ten, and he was done. Clearly his glory days had not come round again.
‘The energy is there,’ he kept saying. ‘I can feel it.
‘That’s great,’ I said. ‘Now maintain that awareness and breathe the energy up. Inhale, inhale, and inhale some more. Keep circulating the pelvis… all the way round. Keep the mouth open. Relax the jaw… … ..
From here this client’s actual love lessons began… There was a whole new rhythm and flow to learn… and learn he did quickly and eagerly. The gorgeous man was now wide open... read more